[	Tags	|	recap, recappage	]
[	Current Location	|	Baton Rouge, LA	]
[	mood	|	blank	]
[	music	|	Goldberg by Johann Sebastian Bach	]

So I'm sitting here thinking about the year in reverse, I put myself through a lot of shit this year and this is the first year that things have actually went right for me. Granted, I still ain't driving and completely independent like most of my friends, but I'm still working and I'm still in school (granted, I'm still a n00b for the most part but things are looking up as long as I care for this) and I'm still editing this story for Leucrota. I'm aiming towards finishing sometime around Christmas.

My thanksgiving, for the most part, was calming...I had the day off (holiday pay *snicker*) so I had plenty of time to edit the story, I'm finally finished with Book 1 (Bolkeq's War with Falzians)...it's two books in the same book explaining things that happened on two different planets during the Pre-Leu Era. I'm also trying to make my own website (something I've been holding out on for a few years) again so I can have something to embed this livejournal in.

My shoulder has been twinging a lot so I've been off that wrestling horse for quite some time, but I do plan to stay with it non-actively because mah' boy, Tony, is holding some single's gold. I'm also planning on doing some training to get myself back on track. To be honest, I'm not aiming to being the best flipper-er ever anymore, I'm just going to go and have some fun trying to keep myself as nimble as possible and at the same time, try to get some other people to feel just as good. Also, since I'm going to be off the wrestling for a while, I do plan on helping with the videographying (since I did learn some things from video class).

Speaking of Video classes, since I've been in it, I've been getting used to not-so-simple video editing software like the video editing software for Mac (Final Cut Pro) and Adobe Premiere. I now know how to make boss-ass clips, but it's a pain in the ass to synch them for music viddies (we haven't gotten that far yet), but yeah, I'm aiming for better viddies and stuff.

Also, I've been all about Pandora.com lately, it's so awesome because it only plays music that I like, since I've been listening to it, I've became a fan of bands I never even heard of (Eyedea and Abilities, Pepper, Kutless,30H!3 just to name a few), kind of a shame that I am down to my final three hours but if one is a fan of internet radio, I suggest checkin' into this. Been using this to find some songs I can use for potential MV's). I plan to make Music Videos using actual footage like mini movies set to music of mah' choosin'. It also helps with my story editing process and making it not as boring and monotonous.

So with money being stable and things slowly look up, can our hero keep this up for next year? find out next entry on "Life and Times of A Struggling Wrestler Wannabe"

[	Tags	|	birthday, cartoon, recap, recappage, stuff, wrestling	]
[	Current Location	|	Baton Rouge, LA	]
[	mood	|	okay	]
[	music	|	The Great Divide by Linkin Park	]

Rundown on First Book

So I’m coming back from work, chilling out and stuff….reading up on some Bleach and Naruto type sh*t, y’know and I re-read my last blog entry and I’m realizing “wow, I must have been really mad”….The more I realize it, the more I can’t really denounce my race because it’s not like I can go up to someone and say “well, I’m not really black, y’see?” because they’ll look at me and go “nigga, you blind?” in the back of their mind.

Movin’ along, today wasn’t really a good or a bad day, I’m just happy that it was over…work sucked, as it should considering that it’s “work”, y’know? but it wasn’t too bad, met someone I haven’t seen since Elementary School (and boy did she bust out of childhood! if I wasn’t a non, I’d tap the hell outta that lol), she’s not too far from me if I had a car. Speaking of a car, I still got a crappy car in reserve, but until I get that bastard fixed, it’s going to stay in the backyard, in any case, I’ll just use that one until I get the money to buy my own and if I get things the way I want it, I should be getting one of my own between now and *maybe* two years from now.

What kinda downs me is this whole 2012 business, I ended up getting a video from a friend of mine telling me that the big thing about 2012 is that the value of a dollar is going to portray currency useless…which means all the money I earned from working my ass off in this bogus heat would be for nothing. It’s kind of depressing but if that’s the case, I gotta wonder exactly why it couldn’t start later than 2012 (ironically, the supposed year we get a new president which means that our supposed final president is a “black” man). IN any case, I hope that this video is wrong, but it’s been  big deal for a while so all my “riches” I can see myself having is…nulled.

Speaking of my riches, I should be getting my own apartment with a hefty bit saved up way before 2012 …which means February of next year (2/2010), this job that I have has practically lined up the benefits for me considering I get  bonus in November, get paid one time more in October, get income tax in December as well as get paid three times, get paid three times in January and practically have myself financially ready for the apartment life. The only downfall I can see about getting an apartment is having suckass roommates and as of right now, I’m trying to find a few that I know will stand by me through the hard stuffs, so far I found at least five other people to room with me and I only need three. They are all my friends (for now) and if I have at least three other people living with me, all we’ll have to pay is roughly $100-$170, which means more for us, y’know? In any case, I can’t wait to get the apartment considering that I can pay for the apartment by myself but a roommate would kinda make it a bit cheaper, and three would just benefit upon it so greatly.

The moon being inhabitable sends chills down my spine, I mean if the moon has water on it and can be “livable”, imagine the condition of most of the other planets (granted a lot of them are unlivable like Pluto, which is too cold, Venus…the air would kill us, Mars, which is too hot etc.) but the Moon, OUR MOON…I want in!

Moving along, considering that I’m getting a lot of money soon (as long as I keep this crappy job), I plan to take up some kind of martial art and start working on a lot of my projects (Idea Inc., Team LouisiANIME, Team Awesome, Unnamed etc.)

Wow, ain’t that ‘bout-a lotta paragraphs?

With February a few moments away, I gotta start organizing out my ideas, so between now and February, I should have:

-At least $1,000 in both bank accounts for emergency money

- Drivers License (you have eluded me for the last time)

- My own apartment located around my school

- A steady functioning job (accomplished but on thin ice damn near regularly)

- An ever growing increase in producing tech-y know-how

Okay, while I’m blogging, watch this viddy:

Not a Poem

So I’m sitting here now listening
to the wind of the air blowing in
makes me think of the life I was given
I grew up broke, joke, a miserable bloke
and I question if life is worth living
then I realize
to my surprise
my misery wasn’t much my fault
then I see these people looking at me
as if I’m something that should be caught
like I’m a freakshow, or a virus embodied
stared down by all these awesome guys and hotties
I look at my mom with anger in my eyes
”why was I born!?” is the message in all my angry cries
While I realize, I’m born because my mom wanted a child
I sit here and question was it worth her while
She obviously thinks so after all these years
but as for me in the padded room with nothing to fear
the voices I hear, the people I see
they all look at me and they finally love me
so what you can’t see them, they my friends not yours
go live in your world full of druggies and whores
and freaks and losers and wastes of space
when I see this world, I don’t see my face
so mom was it worth it, the price of living
to birth some extra misery that shouldn’t have been given
to compensate for your potential life
instead of being successful, you be a wife
mom was it worth it
to avoid a life that glistens
go ahead mom, answer me
go ahead…I’m listening

[	Current Location	|	Baton Rouge, LA	]
[	mood	|	okay	]
[	music	|	Monster by skillet	]

So I got paid a little bit ago and I'm all "yay, I'm a few steps closer towards getting my own place" and I'm finally breaking the $1,000 barrier (although i broke that a while back so everything else is an overstatement), it helps to save up money 8-). In any case, I'm just happy that I'm getting more money and such, I'm just down that I wasn't growing up like this.

As few people know or care to know, I have a lot of projects that I'm working on at once and I finally got the time to list them only to realize that I have roughly 9 projects that I'm working on, each of them varying from things to novels (as well as my chief novel idea) to wrestling plans to movies, I have only partially accomplished two as of now, crazy, yes? but I have high hopes

[	Tags	|	death, stuff	]
[	Current Location	|	Baton Rouge, LA	]
[	mood	|	okay	]
[	music	|	Rock Box by Run-DMC	]

The more I look at it, the more I realize that College is just like any other school, just half the stress. Film Production is not for people that want to be actors. The one thing I can say that I won't like about my current class is that we (the production class that is also the film crew) can't act in any of our work projects. Personally, I wouldn't mind acting in some of our material (since it's obvious that having a suckass job with suckass work hours and lack of driving can mean that I might not be able to find anyone for projects), but I guess it does make sense that the production crew not get in the shot. Aw well, I'm taking Acting next semester, so that's not a problem

On life, my uncle didn't get to see the beginning of September and we went to see his body today, growing up I thought my uncle was the coolest man in existence. He was just so chilled when he was alive almost like he didn't have much in the world to care about (granted, when I was a kid, his kids were already grown 'n gone). Even in his death bed, he looked cool as heck in his suit and he was just one cool cool guy, I'm sure where ever he is right now, he's happy.

Well, it's confirmed, by the end of the year, I'm going to have at least $4,000 in Savings which means that I might have enough to build some decent interest from by time next year come around. November is my month, to say the least because then I'll have my raise by then as well as a little extra money. So yeah, financially, I'm a good bit away from being set but it'll be worth it by time the year's over. Can't wait to get that money saved up...kinda need things my way for once and this is starting to build.

Wrestling is a no-no now because of the horrible weather down here, we gets stormed down like almost every other day or so and I'm sure that Cameron doesn't take care of his ring so..yeah, not as much wrestling anymore. Granted, Once I get the car fixed, I'll be able to branch out and start wrestling elsewhere (once the storming season dies down) like in places like Florida and Texas to name a few places. Aw well, in the meantime I will pursue the voice acting still but I really want to know how to draw or get one of my art guys to draw some stuff out for me before I start acting such. Can't wait for that, FUNimation, here I come :D

Growing up broke in a shack-of-a-house with almost nothing for entertainment other than an air TV (we got cable in intervals), a Nintendo 64 with about two games and let's not forget, this is all going on in the "hood" which is an area that only low income earners live in where most of the houses are ignored by the government and crime usually persists (although after living in that kind of situation, I can't blame them..until they try to rob me, that is).

After growing up in all that, I *somehow* managed to say "f--k love" because when you're broke, living in a shack or a box or out on the street or some sh*t like that, love sure a shell (not a typo) won't bring you out of that kind of condition. I hunt down money as if it was some kind of endangered species because I learned that in this world that's powered by sex, drugs, crime, war and despair...the bloodstream of it all is currency and in order to live in this world, you'll NEED that kinda scratch more than you'll ever need to get your rocks off and when you grow up broke you begin to get tired of it...what really sucks is because my mom had me when she was in a financial rut herself, I gotta work about 10x as hard to not only dig myself out of this but keep myself out. Aw well, at least when I'm finished with this Production course in college, I just might be able to make some decent "straight-to-DVD" movies that may hit the stores or something.

I'm stressing because I got to work an 11-8 today and I hate working that shift because it takes so long to put up with and then there's that whole "working by yourself" thing that I hate doing. I wish I could turn my life into a comic book but that won't happen until it happens. I remember reading this comic about this guy who was looking back on his life and the comic and the story were just great...I never quite figured out what the name of the book was but it was so good, I read it too many times at that library. In any case, I love money, it's not because I'm greedy or because I'm selfish or because I have a high sense of avarice (just another way of saying I'm greedy) or any of that, I just love money because I need it. Hell, if I was rich, I couldn't spend HALF of that money on the stuff that most rich people (that the media hounds down) spend it on. I'm too uncool for drugs, I hate liquor and supposedly, asexuals don't care much for sex...so that's like a well kept million a year for me. I'd probably waste my money on trips to random countries and cities just for the crap of it, a decent house that I already paid for (or the one that my brother built), my movie productions and maybe some money left over to go back to school to learn integrated cybernetics (or something like that) but I damn sure wouldn't be one of those spoiled rich kids. Kinda hard to be spoiled when you never got what you wanted anyway.

Some people say that Money isn't everything....I say, Money sure as shit ain't nothing

[	Tags	|	positive, projects, real life, recap, recappage, watchmen movie, wrestling	]
[	Current Location	|	Baton Rouge, LA	]
[	mood	|	okay	]
[	music	|	Times Are-a Changing by Bob Dylan	]

So I'm getting the Watchmen for the first time and I can't lie, really great movie (granted, even if it sucked, I'd still watch it because I'm a slowly building DC fan), I love Rorschach! I love how the misanthropy in the movie is actually explained instead of repressed, so yes, Great Movie. Granted, I wasn't much caring for the Owlman/Silk Spinner(I think that was her name) romance thing but all the same, I really enjoyed the fights and I REALLY enjoy some of the things Rorschach and The Comedian had to say about humanity and I have to give props to whoever was playing Doc Manhattan, I don't think I'd ever play a role where my penis is actually on camera. I also love the scene where Comedian kills his pregnant lover and brings up how DocMan didn't do a damn thing about it...Makes me question that if one has the power to stop the pain, would said person stop it and if not, why? It sure does rain a lot on the Watchmen...
LoL I didn't know John House played Rorschach

If given the opportunity, Superhero(ine) or Super Villain(ess)?

My new favorite line, "What happened to the American Dream? It came true!" and *BAM* instant captivation. I love the artform, I just wish I had the comic so I can get into this a bit more thoroughly, personally, I wish I could get a lot of the DC Comics, I wouldn't mind making a movie dedicated to the Robin that the fans killed (Jason Todd) and kinda make it.

I took my Production Class on Tuesday and enjoyed it considering it was my first class, gotta work on that Lumiere Project which will be hard considering I don't have a plug for my last Camcorder (which means I'll have to get a new camcorder altogether). I can do a Lumiere, that's not a problem, the only question is what to record and exactly how would I get around to doing it (then there's that other supershow in Chicago). I enjoyed the class and I can see myself flying through it, to be honest, but I don't see myself retaining most of the information on there.

So yeah, I'm wrestling on a minimal scale now'days considering I kinda have this extremely busy work schedule and almost no time to do anything else. I don't drive (because I'm a loser, I guess) and I have two cars that were just given to me and I can't accept them because one of them is for my younger brother. I'm pretty sure that mom didn't think about the whole "minority complex" when she thought it was a good idea to give her son a younger sibling. In any case, with wrestling, I just might head back to Chicago for that show, but it's a BIG "maybe".

I wouldn't mind making movies considering I have a psychotic outlook on most things, Hell, I got this one movie idea that involves a man turning an entire city into a ghost town after going on a mass killing spree, everyone gets it! mothers, fathers, old people, young people, even the animals, it's almost superhuman!...about 20 years after the mass murder, legends brew about how the city is doing but all the legends have the same common denominator of all the people dying. 20 years later, a newsman goes to the city (rendered abandoned by any and all inhabitants) and interviews the killer (who has cancer)...the killer and the newsman have decent conversations (one of my favorite quotes from this movie is "if God loved Man so much, why did it give humans an expiration date?!"). At the end of my movie, the killer dies from his cancer without giving the reporter his name...See, I have an idea for it, but I have no idea what I want the killer's name to be (although I want his last name to be either "Campbell" or "Gamble") and I want to name the movie after the city that the murders happened in. I want the city to have two names and I want it to be fictitional (The name "Blair Roche" comes to mind)...I know, I have a thing about murders but we get a chance to look into a psychopath's mind as he politely(?) answers questions that most other people with his state of mind would brutally ignore.

So yeah, a lot of projects, a lot of stuff to work on, a lot of stuff to put together and a lot of stuff to consider...and $2,200 ain't gone cover the lot of it. In any case, by keeping my mind busy, I have plenty of time to not think so negatively...okay so I'm trying, so sue me. It's time I increase my intake on music too

So, I ranted and raved in my last entry, I was just mad about a couple of things…turning 21 and being as unaccomplished as I am isn’t something that I expected when I was a kid. Hell! I thought that by the age of 21, I’d at least have my own place and my own car but instead, the lights shone on my brothers instead, leaving me to kinda wallow in the dark here.

In any case, I can say this was kind of a good year, in a sense…I got over $2,000 saved up, and Income Tax season spells a little extra for me as long as I can keep my job. Since I’m investing in an apartment and a car, getting my own money is hard…especially when a good bit of my check is going straight to my family (considering my dad has openly said he wants me to feel the sting of being broke like he does…granted, if he didn’t want to be broke, he shouldn’t have stuck his knob in my mom but that’s a different story). I’m working part time but it’s almost as daunting as working full time since I only took about 10 hrs from my schedule (which means that I don’t work 8 hr days just about 5 days a week). With my crazy work hours, lack of life and my minority complex, life has been miserable for me so far, but I can try to find the good in it all (after talking to Charlie, Robi and my little brother).

I’m finally finished with my story, took a while but the story is finished, unfortunately, it’s with a cliffhanger of an ending (the beginning of the Olde War) and hopefully if the story gets interesting enough, the second book would most likely sell for more than the first story. I managed to go to two, count ‘em, two! anime conventions…granted, I wasn’t in the best condition but I had a nice time, I had so much fun and I don’t think I’d ever be as happy as I was at those cons. I also managed to go to another state for a wrestling event, granted it was a backyard wrestling event and a few of the guys were a bit more unnoticed than others but I was just glad to have known that I was part of a show and was well liked by a few people (they added me on Facebook, made me feel special). It sucks how good things happen to me for such a short time, ‘cuz once I go back to the real world, it’s almost like there’s this voice that’s saying “f*ck you, man”. I’m going back to school…it’s a bit expensive, but my mom damn near guarantees that I’ll get that grant money back, personally, I don’t believe a word of it but I’m willing to pay for my schooling if it’ll get me to learn how to make decent movies…I wouldn’t mind making video games either but that branches out to software writing and integrated cybernetics or something and I’m just going to take this slow.

I learned that I’m always going to be a misanthropist and I’m always going to hate myself, but I’ve also learned that while I’m here in this painful world living in this painful way, I gotta make the best of it. I have to kinda get over myself and realize that despite my suckass past, I can’t guarantee that I’ll have a suckass future…In that light, I’m going to try to start a new life for myself and start thinking more positively, I’m going to stop being mad although I’m going to stick to my philosophy that children don’t need to be born to a world that they will never be ready for (what with the lights shining on a select few people). But I won’t be as vehement about my life…granted, I’ll still be frustrated, but I guess with a life like mine, that comes naturally, but I’ll try to think positively.

Y’know what I realized, I would love to make a lot of movies where I die…does that make me weird?

I hate those kind of parents that have kids just because they want to…granted, it’s a good enough reason but it’s kind of a stupid way of getting a kid and in my opinion, it’s selfish because they aren’t necessarily caring for the kid or watching out for the kid or trying to figure out ways to make the kid’s life better, all they know is that they want one and they are gonna get one right now.

In a way, this is why I can honestly say I don’t like my mom…she had me because she wanted to have a child and she assumed it’d be a better idea for me to have siblings…this is a woman in her 20’s that had mountains of debt and was living in a piece-a crap house in the middle of n---aville, USA and being with some guy she hates (my dad). So when I was born, I was raised in a piece-a crap house in the middle of n---aville, USA with an abusive mom, an a’ight dad and two younger brothers that are destined to surpass me in everything I do. My mom didn’t think that through and I ended up paying the price, living the life of a loser that’s constantly berated by his peers…by “peers” I mean those run of the mill type n---as that are only good for changing the American language and helping with the increase in American population (as if we need any more assholes in this world). So with that being said, I suffered a good bit of my life and I have my selfish mom to blame…what makes it really bad is that she had all the potential to become something more than just a worthless mother…she has a good singing voice, so she could have been a singer, she has a real knack for art so she could have been a professional photographer, she could have been a lot of things…but instead she chose to be a mother and I ended up paying the price for that. I ended up suffering for it, I ENDED UP HAVING A WORTHLESS LIFE in the expense of my mom’s selfishness and all she has to say about it is “oh well, you did it to yourself” as if me being born was my fault. I mean, I wasn’t in the back of her soul, psychologically tapping her on her shoulder saying, “hey…I’m ready to be born now!”…but what can I say, I’m forced to live this crappy life until I die but at least I won’t bring in another soul into this horrible world so they can suffer like I did.

Granted, I don’t hate my mom, I don’t hate my dad, they just might be some of the few people in this world that I might not hate (being a borderline misanthropist that I am) but knowing that they could have had me at a better time, knowing that they could have done a lot more than what they are doing just frustrates me to no end and something in the back of my mind will always call them “morons” because of that. My mom was selfish for having me because she wanted a child and my dad…well, he blinded himself with drugs, alcohol and love…the worst kind of blinding that any man could have.

With their mistakes, I know not to have a kid out of a selfish reason like “oh, I just wanted a child”, I know not to have a kid when I’m in no position TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF! and I know that I don’t necessarily need an insignificant other to be happy, I know that I don’t need to be a parent. I’m ending this crappy cycle of failure and frustration, hatred, misery and such…I don’t want kids until I can take care of myself, and even then, I still don’t plan on having kids because that means being with some evil cruel woman that I’ll probably hate after she spits that kid out (similar to my dad).

I’m happy being by myself, I’m happy being childless but I’m not happy that I’m alive and breathing and existing because of a selfish reason…well, at least no child of mine will ever go through this…I’ll have the happiest child ever because it won’t exist, so up yours, Reality! up yours, World! and up yours, Life!

[	Tags	|	cartoon, recap, recappage, wrestling	]
[	Current Location	|	Baton Rouge, LA	]
[	mood	|	mellow	]
[	music	|	Hero by Skillet	]

Kinda getting back from a TNA Live Show that they had over here in Baton Rouge, I can't lie, after doing the whole wrestling thing, watching it live doesn't set off much of a spark anymore because it's like "wow, I should be in that"...in any case, it was a house show

Results:(not in any order right now)

• Suicide def. Shark Boy (but got stunnered in the ending)
  
• Homicide def. Consequences Creed and Christopher Daniels to retain the X Division Championship (match of the night in my opinion)
  
• Raisha Saeed and Awesome KONG def. The Beautiful People (Angelina Love and Velvet Sky)
  
• Hernandez def. Eric Young
  
• Beer Money (Robby Roode and James Storm) def. World Elite (KIYOSHI and Daivari)
  *they got HUGE pop after coming down with the LSU jersey on*
  
• AJ Styles def. Samoa Joe
  

The show was a bit *ehhy* granted, I got a chance to meet some of my wrestler buddies like Abe, David, Miguel, Tony, Robert and even brought in some new "talent" for ACW. There's this big storyline thing going on with the GBYWN and Rad Hazard committing war on backyard wrestling and I was a part of the resistance...however, due to ACW's bad booking, it doesn't look like I'll be feuding with Grizz (one of the guys that's part of the Radical Movement) any time soon considering that Rapid or whoever is doing the booking doesn't seem to want me to be put over, at least not against any one of their boys anyway...and I'm good for feuds, I can promo (in my opinion), sell like a wildman and make the match look good, hell! I can lose like a winner! but whoever is doing the booking is doing a suckass job as to helping put me or any of the newer talent over (granted, it's good to see Taylor and Cam finally be put over but damn...what about me, I'm practically their best friend out the ring)..but I won't rant...after all, it's just backyard wrestling, if things go the way they should for me, I should be going back to school and *in a year and a half, I'm sure* get my associate's (at least) in film production and such. From there, I'm off to make movies, wrestling videos and everything else.

As for my story, I'm still working on expanding it for the comic book purposes..unfortunately, since the story itself is going to be so vast (since I'm doing the story on an entire galaxy), I'm going to probably just do the novel itself on just Ovlivon and forget most of the other planets (until I make a book centralizing them)...and such, my first book is going to be kind of a rundown as to how the planets were created, what the Gorians is, who are the gods and how they came to pass and *finally* the trials of Ovlivon that leads up to the epic war that results in a new King of Ovlivon and such (book 2). I want there to be a novel out first because from there, I plan to kinda...branch out the story using the comic book (once I get off my lazy behind and start capitalizing on the story).

I'm also working on a Adobe flash based vlog that kinda features me talking about my day in the most cartooniest of ways, kinda like what Amelie Belcher is kinda doing except mines is a cartoon and not a comic (because I suck at drawing (-.-) <==sad face). I am most likely gonna take the course on Flash once I pass my production class (which I do plan to take, come my next check *grumblegrumble2weeksgrumble*)...In any case, I have a lot of work to do when it comes to that but it's almost completely finished. So yeah, voice acting for my own cartoon is GO!

Okay, Work sucks...being a basket boy for Wal Mart is the pits...seriously, I come back home sweating like crazy and it kinda sucks working outside in the heat and the painful truth is I'm probably going to be doing that for a while because nothing else is going to work out for me (work-wise) unless a couple of my friends are down with starting their own business and paying me like a dollar a day or something. In any case, once I get myself straight, I don't plan to work doing that anymore but it is good money and then Income Tax is always fun to get when you're like getting a hefty bit back.

Then there's school, I'm trying to go back but with my lack of proper funding..it's-a gonna take a while but I'm still looking towards going and finishing my movie making course, that way I can legitimately make decent videos and stuff and *once I get my own website started* start spamming them through that and not through that jacked up site, YouTube >.< to be honest, I hate that dang site.

So yeah, work to pay for school, proper funding to get my trunk fixed (the car I'm supposed to be having has a trunk that's mashed in), my apartment and enough to buy some really decent groceries and such, I expect to have all of this by 2011 because I don't think time is on my side enough to have it any earlier than that..but I will say this, the first step is wanting it, right?

Aw well, in any case, life is looking pretty okay, cartoon is in the woodworks and wrestling is still a GO..so I'm ready for the future.

So, I blame my parents for giving me the worse life ever…I mean think about it, why would they want to have a child in the first place?

Kind of idiotic to have a kid for apparently no reason, right? I mean, the majority of parents are just stupid girls that just love sex too much to say “hm…maybe doing this would result in a huge mistake that would ruin mine, the man’s and the CHILD’s life” but no one is ever that smart…

So…how does having a kid usually ruin everyone’s life, you ask, well I may speak from stereotypes but when that’s all you’re surrounded, you kinda learn to cope with it, but onto the list.

Let’s see this from the guy’s point of view…chances are he’s just horny and looks to said girl to get his rocks off (because, how many guys actually WANT to be a daddy, right) every once in a while. He ends up getting the wrong chick pregnant, he ends up having to work twice as hard (or in this case, look for a job thoroughly) in order to pay for himself, the woman (who he’s most likely NOT married to) and the kid(s). Down the line, he ends up separating himself from that chick only to have to pay child support from his already low paying job and *bam* instant horrible life for Mr. Right Now.
Now in some cases, it probably won’t end like this but by gut feeling and by being surrounded by this kinda thing almost all the time, I go by what I see, ‘nuf said.

Now, let’s see this from the girl’s point of view…now most girls don’t fit a stereotype anymore because they all pursue the objective of “being different” so I’ll say that there’s those girls that wanna get their rocks off (y’know…the ones that are supposedly “bisexual”) aaand there’s those girls that are looking for love (either that or a guy that will stay with them after sex), they end up thinking they found the right guy and sleeps with them almost repetitively and what do ya know, a baby’s born. So we got some chick between the ages of 12-25 having to deal with a baby for 18 years and 9 months all because of the stupid reason of either being horny or wanting “love”. I wonder if they realize how much their life is going to suck once they kid becomes a teenager…I mean if you get a daughter, you might as well say hello to being a grandparent once she turns about 14, am I right, or am I right?

And now, let’s look at the kid…being born in a shack of a house in a really crappy city with almost nothing…the dad is usually gone and the mom becomes a pain when he/she gets older. As time goes by, mommy starts to see you as a burden and puts you in school…and the cycle continues.

Am I saying that every person’s like this? no…I know a married couple that did it right (quite possibly the first and only married couple I know that kinda did this the right way) but the world is chock full of hoes nowadays, I think the world just accepted the fact that people are hoes and just said, “hey..be hoes, just wrap up” which is something that these hoes rarely ever do because “it takes away the feeling”…aw well, at least I’m not going to continue this line of failure, I’m going to have to be the smart one and realize that the end is near for this world…so why bring a child into a world where it’s going to grow up to be almost absolutely nothing except another number in this world…another potential mommy or daddy, another labor worker, another guy saving his pennies trying to live out his dream only to realize that it’s futile…why should I try to make a life with no future if I don’t have a future, right?

*psh* I’m just ranting because I’m just waking up and I got that whole “go to hell, world” concept right now…but then again, as much as I try, I dont’ think I can be in a good mood…well, at least I know I’m not going to put a CHILD through this kinda pain…if I have a kid that’s like me, growing up in the era of whores and poverty…it’d kill itself before 20.

Now before you go around assuming I’m gay, I wanna elaborate on this…Being a somewhat unattractive guy, I gave up on love which means I’m choosing to be single for the rest of my life…and by single I mean, NO ONE…that makes my sexual orientation practically non existant. I don’t care much for that kinda thing and I really hate it when people assume that I’m gay because I have a “look” about myself…I would say to the close minded people that take up about 94% of the world to go have sex with themselves but that’d be redundant.

As you can tell, I’m trying to restrain myself from cursing but that concept always seem to go away when I’m around a couple-a friends and/or when I’m at work. But the fact is I’m so sick of being around girls that are all about their boyfriends…and I’m even more sick of being around guys that are all about their girlfriends…and yes, even sick of the gay couples. Okay, I get it! you’re in a couple, why are you telling me about how awesome your girlfriend/boyfriend is…what am I supposed to think, like seriously? I mean the worse case scenario is that I end up wanting to screw your girlfriend or end up wanting to kill your boyfriend so I can be yours. In any case, those constant kinda people always make me wonder exactly why I’m friends with them in the first place. Now granted, some of my good friends are a married couple that tend to enjoy their company and the company of their child (that’s a year old now) and I just gotta say, those kinda people make me realize how there could be some mature people in the world. I hate being stuck with a walking softcore porno and whenever the guy is away from the girl, he gets all emo and crap about how he misses her and sh*t like that and that’s the kinda stuff that makes me just wanna slap *insert name here* and be all “Dude! it’s not like she’s dead or anything!”. But I digress…I’m just sick of those immature couples that tend to obsess over each other just because it’s convenient, if it were me, if I really wanted to know how she was doing, I’d call her…if she doesn’t give me her number, it’s obvious she either is doing okay and don’t need me calling every five seconds or she’s cheating and in any case, both of those scenes are bad.

I really hate being around those girls that obsess over getting a boyfriend to a point where they date every single “hot guy” they can find and dump then within a week or three weeks time and then once things go sour they get so depressed about it, they just go look for another “perfect guy” that just looks good. Well, with this rant come with my result for it…I’m going to have my story have almost every single angle of “romance” will have it’s ending in tragedy…I already have a love angle in it that requires two half brothers figuring out that they are full cousins because their mom slept with two brothers that resulted in their bastardized birth, there’s another angle where there’s a guy that broke some rules in order to save his girl from a dragon and he ends up getting kicked outta town with his woman (who was the princess of said area), we’re talking tragedy from every part of romance because I want my story to be realistic, I’m sick of seeing a loser protagonist get laid in the story…that’s not real, that’s not true, that doesn’t always happen…most women NEVER approach first like how they make it look in the series, and if they do approach first, it’s to a guy they deem attractive, not to some average schmo…you know how I know this!? I’M AN AVERAGE SCHMO

in my opinion, I lacked love so I don’t believe in it…so screw love and stop obesing over it (and yes, I meant to type obesing), it’s sickening how people would turn from will spirited individuals to wimps because of their “loved one”…I’m telling you man…I’m all about my money and then afterwards, maaybe some love but until then…it’s time for me to look out for me and I seriously hope more people come to think about that when they start realizing how much it sucks to be broke